Wave that terrible towel...literally

...Because, well, we were terrible today.

This weekend had me on wits end with Pittsburgh sports. My stomach hurts, my legs ache and I've got a headache from drowning my nerves....And my remote control is smashed... okay, that's a lie. But still. Within a full 24 hours, Pittsburgh has been a mosh pit, a roller coaster ride of screaming sports fans.

Speaking of drowning nerves, I am fairly certain Big Ben played either hungover or drunk today.

Maybe Bennie boy just wanted to have a tickle-fest with Robert Geathers instead of play football today?

I am also fairly certain, after Pansy Toes, aka Jeff Reed, twinkle toed his way to another missed tackle/touchdown saving hit, that there is no way he is even brave enough to go Mano-e-Mano vs. a paper towel dispenser, let alone hop into the fighting Irish stance ready to do the tango with a police officer. No way is it possible, sorry your honor, but clearly today's performance on the field this week and last Monday, is enough evidence to dismiss the case and rule my client not guilty.

Jeff: "Coach, what do I do now?"

Tomlin: "Quit being a pansy and go tackle him you idiot!"

Okay, one more assumption on why the Steelers were so awful...they just got confused. Yah, see they thought this was another WWE stint and this was just a wrestling match. Yah that's it. See:

1...2....3...PINNED

Ben: "Ow, man! Uncle, Uncle!!! I SAID UNCLE, THAT MEANS LET GOOOO!"

...Yah, I bet Daddy Rooney was proud.

It didn't help matters much when the King of Troy aggravated his knee again in the opening drive and did not return for the rest of the game.

Okay, so injuries and suckiness aside, well, no suckiness is still on the table because my next point I'd like to make is that Max Starks must've thought he was playing in the stadium next door at PNC with the suckiest of suck - Pittsburgh Pirates, because I am pretty sure I could have put my 85 year old, 5'2" (and shrinking) 100 lbs grandfather, who at one point in his life spent time in a full body cast during WWII after getting run over by a jeep...into the game today and he would have been more useful and had better blocks than Mr. Starks.

Hines, Mike, 'Ton? I don't know if I still should be pointing the dreaded finger at Ben for under throwing the deep balls and over throwing the short ones, or if I should be barking up another tree at the receivers for not being open and making plays? I think it was a little bit of both.

So, Santonio, keep that bicep in your sleeve and make some plays with it instead of daunting and flexing it for everyone after a 2 yard catch. Act like a Super Bowl MVP and start making noteworthy catches in important games.

Okay, now that I got that out of my system, onto the good stuff... HOW BOUT THEM PENS? Okay, it wasn't the most graceful win and they scraped by and chalked up a W by a minuscule four tenths of a second, but hey, a win is a win is a win....Good work boys, free smooches from Crosby.

And what about those Pitt Panthers? Can this city be any more awesome when it comes to sports? Congrats to Jonathan Baldwin for being named Big East player of the week.

And last but not least for the sake of entertainment, let's take a peak at Sammy Sosa's new look, shall we?

I am pretty sure it looks like he smacked himself in the face with a bag of flower and then stole his wife's lipstick for kicks. I can't decide if this is some weird tribute to Michael Jackson, or if he was just tired of looking black. Regardless, kids, don't do steroids.

Cowher Power has gone Sour

When Detroit and Pittsburgh faced off in the battle for Lord Stanley last season, Jerome Bettis remained neutral on which team he would cheer for. A native of Detroit, Michigan, but a legend in Pittsburgh, he made the right choice not to pick a side.


Bill Cowher was born in Crafton, Pennsylvania. He coached the Pittsburgh Steelers for 15 consecutive seasons with an overall win-loss record of 161-99-1. He led the Steelers to two AFC Championships ('95, '05), and brought home that one for the thumb in 2005 with the Super Bowl XL victory. With a pretty solid reputation established in the city of Pittsburgh, Cowher retired from coaching after the Super Bowl win. He then decided to reside in Raleigh, North Carolina where he has been living since - a whopping four years.


Fine.


But when he was shown on national television sounding the "hurricane horn" with Carolina's mascot by his side cheering him on before the start of Game 4 in the Eastern conference finals, it hit a big nerve. Despite the fact that the hoaky horn was silenced for the season quickly when the Penguins swept the Hurricanes, Cowher disgraced himself. Decked out in red - literally head to toe when his face turned the color of a tomato as he began cranking the arm to sound the horn, with his chin still sticking out farther than his nose and a grin stretched across his face, watching him actually, publicly, cheer for his "hometown" , or more like "current residence" was more annoying than Subway's Five Dollar Foot Long commercial, or Detroit's octopus tossing antics.





Now, living in Raleigh, if he wants to be a stickler for fitting in with the crowd and cheer for the sports team of the city he is living in, fine. Especially because being a Pittsburgh sports fan is very much a love-hate, hit-or-miss situation for the most part when dappling in other sports markets. If Cowher felt the need to embrace the pride of the only professional sports team of his residency, whatever. But I would prefer he do it in the comfort of his home. Not to the tune of some 19,000 hockey fans. Not to mention the millions of people watching the game on television.
Get your priorities straight Cowher.