Essssssspresso

This may make me sound like a petty asshole but I cannot STAND when people order espresso and pronounce it "expresso." Expresso isn't even a word. Let me spell out the correct word for you E-S-P-R-E-S-S-O. It's like you start off saying the letter "S" and then before you say the letter "O" you throw the word "PRESS" in the middle. Put it together and you get ESPRESSO. WaLa, just like that you get esssssssspresso.

If you haven't figure it out yet, it really irritates me. I work in a coffee shop on Tuesday's and when people ask for that extra shot of eXpresso, I'm almost tempted to look at them quizzically and politely ask them what the fuck that is. And then I'll pretend to have an epiphany and that I've decoded their jibberish by saying to them: "Oh, what you meant to say was espresso."

I am more than obliged to fix everyone their drinks with a smile on my face and a chipper tone in my voice, but deep down inside I am boiling for a solid five seconds after I experience the mispronunciation. I appreciate all of my customers and love making them drinks so that they can get their coffee fix in for the day in order to help them survive the dreaded hours couped up inside a windowless classroom that looks more like a jail cell than a place for learning.

I pity them and am slightly tickled with joy at the thought that by making them that caramel latte or vanilla frio...or my fave is the lady that orders the large sugar-free vanilla cappuccino with soy milk and decaf espresso...but anyways, that by making them that drink, it will make their day a little better. Whatever makes the customer happy makes me happy. But please people when ordering, throw caution to the wind and think before you speak when making that special request for that extra shot of the jitters. Just remember, it's essssspresso.

Where have all the cartoons gone?

Saturday morning: I wake up around 9 a.m. and head into the living room to start a pot of coffee. I plop down on the couch, remote in hand and flick on the television set in search of an epic Saturday morning cartoon. After fixing myself a steamy mug of joe I settle back down and continue my channel surfing.

Soon to my dismay, after hitting all of the hot cartoon channels I realize that my best program of choice for the morning is either the Anime on Cartoon Network or SpongeBob on Nickelodeon (which is what I rest upon for the time being). My comfort zone has completely crumbled and a wave of panic washes over me. "Where have all of the cartoons gone?!" I exclaim.

Honestly? Where are the Doug Funny and Patty Mayonnaise love stories? The Tommy Pickles and Chuckie Finster dynamic duo adventures? Rockos Modern Life or Hey Arnold! ??? How could I not mention Talespin or Rescue Rangers...I still get the theme song stuck in my head every now and then. And Duck Tales! I loved watching those ducks swim their way through all those coins...Pinky and the Brain wasn't too bad, but not one of my favorite choices. Regardless, it was still a much better cartoon than the ones they have now.

I've heard rumors flutter around about how you can still watch basically all the shows I just mentioned on a special digital cable Nickelodeon channel of some sort. Problem is I'm in college and can only afford basic cable that doesn't even include the history channel. Thank goodness I'm 21 and had the privilege of experiencing and watching the shows then, as opposed to what I would have to settle on now.

These days kids are extremely deprived of the good life when it comes to Saturday morning. It's the one time that I truly believe that kids really do have it rough. Granted they do have some choices but they are slim-pickens....There are only so many SpongeBob episodes I can take before his high pitched, bubbly giggle forces me to either mute the TV or just turn it off completely.

After becoming extremely distraught over the fact that my Saturday morning lineup was not going to go as planned, I decided there was no longer a use in even trying to pretend to enjoy a mediocre episode of animated entertainment. I merely turned the television off, dumped out my coffee and went back to bed. There is just no use in waking in the a.m. on Saturday ever again, unless the cartoon industry makes a major U-turn and brings back the good stuff.

Until then...